BIG PLAYS

World Cup 2014: How to Avoid the Addiction

It only happens every four years.  Fanatics from all over the world assemble, vuvuzelas in hand, to witness grown men get taken off the pitch on a stretcher after having their shin guard kicked.

Few things in the world are more riveting than two countries fiercely battling to win a match in the world’s most popular game.  If you’re a fan of football, there’s not much that can divert your eyes from the best game in the world!  With the WC14 running for the next four weeks, here’s a list of distractions  that will get your heart racing faster than  a David Beckham penalty kick and prevent you from spending the next month engrossed in soccer!

“Oh my leg!  I think it’s bruised!!!!”  

Watch Grass Grow

When the midfielders are just playing ping pong with the ball, you can divert your attention to something even more spectacular!  The grass growing on the pitch as the game is occurring!

To really experience it, go out into your yard before the game starts and see how long you can watch it grow.  Maybe even pull up a chair and grab a beer.  Then go watch the game.  See which one holds your attention longer!  You’ll be amazed!

Hint:  It’s the grass. 

Watch Paint Dry

Don’t waste the day watching Croatia and Mexico tie zero-zero; go paint that ugly wall with a fresh coat!  You’re improving your property value and creating a few hours of entertainment for yourself!

Bonus Game:  invite your friends over to watch the World Cup and point at the freshly painted wall.  See how long it takes them to figure out the classic bait-and-switch you just pulled!

Wait for the Mail

While you can watch an entire soccer match without a single goal, the mailman is always guaranteed to put one in the net daily!  Take the day off from work, grab a cooler and wait for that government steed to drop off some coupons and your gas bill!

Every time you see someone coming from down the street, your pulse will race just like when Renaldo is firing up a corner kick!

Take in a Lecture

Head over to your local college or university and sneak into a big lecture hall.  You’ll want to go all out and shoot for a three hour night class.  Bring nothing with you and really focus on the material.  The higher level the course and the further from your area of expertise, the better!

Bonus Game:  do not fantasize about any members of the opposite sex as you sit there engrossed in the professor’s dropping of knowledge!

Sit in Traffic

Maybe you can’t afford to go to Brazil to witness all the WC14’s glory, but you can do the next best thing!  Wait for rush hour and head to the thoroughfare!  Pray you find yourself with thousands of commuters in gridlock and you’ll be living it up just like all the Euros down in Brazil!

Bonus:  see if you can get an “Ole! Ole! Ole!” chant going! 

Retirement Community Sports

Head over to the local old people community and take deep breaths, because the shuffleboard game will work you up into a fever pitch!  If a game of pinochle breaks out, you better hope your ticker is healthy because compared to the World Cup, it’ll make Nagasaki look like a bonfire!

But beware!  If you head over to the pickleball court, you won’t be prepared for that sort of action!  For soccer fans, it’s like finding yourself in the driver’s seat in the Indy 500 field!

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