Routine Finspection: Week One Dolphins vs. Ravens

Dolphins get smacked around by the Ravens.

Photo Courtesy of beIN SPORTS

First off, I tried to get this out sooner, but real life got in the way and I’m just finishing this off now. I know you’ve read several other reviews of this game. This review will hopefully have a different feel to it than others that will at least put a smirk on your face unless you’re cold-hearted and take offense to people calling out your team as if they’re calling you out. Also, before you start revolting against me like you’re a current Miami Dolphin’s player, understand that I’m a fan of this outfit and I always will be. It’s my cross to bear and bear it I will.

You’ll find more negative things in this blog compared to good things. I’d love to write about more positive things that the Dolphins did, but you watched the game and you know that just isn’t possible. I will see this team through even though that it’s entirely possible that I will just end up exactly where I am now in four years. So, if you’re one of those folks who can’t see this team for what it is and just be a realist and laugh at what’s going on, to you I say good luck with all that.

Anywho, I really hope this isn’t the first of 16 of these types of reviews. I’d like to be able to have a few weeks where I can talk about some of the positive things the Dolphins did. Maybe I’ll be able to speak about some of the player’s progress in a good way, but based on what happened Sunday, those opportunities are going to be few and far between.

Let’s be clear, Sunday’s performance was exactly what the brass for the Dolphins wanted to happen. Maybe they didn’t want 59-10, but a big-time loss was what was on the menu. Ross, Grier, Flores all of the folks who make the decisions designed this team to get stomped, to not have a chance to win many games. Well, they succeeded and the Dolphins got blown out. Get used to it I’m afraid. It’s going to be hard for many of us to go to work and talk about football with friends but try and persevere. That being said, let’s get to it.

The Ravens put up 640 yards of offense. Just a casual 640. Not sure about you, but that’s a lot of yards for a defense to give up. I realize that the team is littered with guys that wouldn’t be able to be a backup in NFL Europe, but 640 yards is wild. The big-brained defensive guru, Flores had a solid gameplan, and by solid I mean he spent around four minutes game-planning for the Ravens. Not sure I would rush only three guys on third and long over and over again. Take Reshad Jones out after he actually makes a play, or fall in line with every Dolphin’s coach and not be able to figure out how to guard a Tight End. I wouldn’t do it, but I’m also not as smart as Flores. How could I be?

Right off the bat, we have Eric Rowe getting completely murdered by Mark Ingram. It was then that I knew the game and the season was over.

Speaking of Rowe, it’s pretty obvious that he was brought in to be extra insurance for the Dolphins tank job. He gave up a few scores, had a few penalties, got murdered by Ingram so yeah, he’s the insurance policy to make sure the Dolphins lose.

How many times in my lifetime are teams going to be able to just throw it up to endzone, not in a hail Mary situation, but from 20 yards or less and just have the ball softly fall into a receivers hand with no one around them?

I remember Favre doing this to us and I believe the Bengals did this type of thing. I simply don’t understand how it can possibly happen. But it was Rowe, so I sort of get it.

Not sure which announcer it was but they said the Ravens are off to an unbelievable start to where I said this was the most predictable start of all time.

You gotta hand it to Flores. When he lies, he’s going to do it straight to your face.

He had six touches. Even if you want to go the route that the gameplan changed when the Ravens scored a million first-half points, getting six touches to a guy you said was going to get a lot is a fabrication. The smart money is on Drake being a guy that asked his agent to get him out of Miami.

Excellent communication on the Dolphin’s first pass play. It was a pass and the receiver was run blocking. The ball was thrown his way. Simply phenomenal.

Believe it or not, the Dolphin’s offensive linemen, which were mostly made up of guys nobody had ever heard of, didn’t perform very well. Not saying the Dolphin’s running backs played too well either, but they opened up holes to the tune of 19 yards and allowed three sacks. If you were watching this contest of sorts, you would have seen Ryan Fitzpatrick running for his life all game. Not fun to watch.

While we’re on it, Fitzpatrick needs to patent the spin move to his left, right now. It’s like he strictly practiced that move all Summer. I get why he did because he knew he was going to be running for his life every snap, but man alive that was a ton of spin moves. Tebow, I’m sure is proud.

Here’s one of those bright spots;

Three catches for 75 yards is nothing to get all tingly about, but he gave effort and made plays when they were realistically able to be made. I hope this guy stays healthy and is able to show everyone what he can do because I think he can do a lot in this league. Sadly, I don’t think there’s any way he’ll be here next year regardless of what he does, but for whatever reason, I’m always pulling for the guy.

Hollywood Brown, a rookie, was on pace for 300 catches for 300 TDs. That’s not good. Nope, not good at all.

Congrats to Fitzpatrick for being the person in the history of the known universe to throw eight TD passes for eight different teams. However, he also is the first person in the known universe to throw eight INTs on eight different teams. Classic double-edged sword situation.

Fitzpatrick’s Fitzmagic was indeed sputtering but he did find this guy for Miami’s lone TD.

I wasn’t a huge fan of Preston ditching the #82 for #18 due to numbers in the 80s being supremely better and cooler, but I thought he played well. He’s one guy that I and others will have some intrigue in watching going forward.

It was fun to see the Canadian Strongman, Sam Eguoveon, celebrating a nice play. The score was 42-3.

Jason Sanders, their offensive leader, didn’t lie down. He converted his only FG attempt, which was from 54 yards. I really hope he doesn’t get cut for being good. That would be a shame.

My friend, who I was sitting next to said: “Cleo Lemon isn’t walking through that door.” It was really good when he said it and I personally needed a laugh.

The Dolphins made Lamar Jackson look like if Joe Montana and Tom Brady ran full speed into each other and the fused into one QB. Final stat line, 17/24 for 5 TDs and a perfect QB rating. I wouldn’t count on those stats holding up because, like many others, the Dolphins have made him look like a billion bucks, but he can’t play Miami every week.

Hey hey, Josh Rosen is in. Alright, let’s see him put together a drive to show that not everything is completely lost.

Robert Griffin III got in and I must say, I would have loved to see where this career would have gone if Mike Shannahan didn’t trot him out there on one leg. I always thought he threw the ball well. He’s not fast anymore so he’s at that perfect speed where he knows he can’t outrun anyone anymore, so he has to slide or throw it away. RG3 finished 5/5 for 55 yards and a TD. I imagine he went to the sideline saying, “Anyone could do this, you gotta try it”, to the waterboys.

The #FreeGesicki movement got two catches for 31 yards. I suppose it’s a start.

Miami needs to figure out a way to stop having the Ravens on their schedule.

Xavien Howard finally said enough is enough and started to guard Brown after he had four catches for 147 yards. I don’t think he caught another ball after that.

Could have done without the fake punt.

I think this is a theory that’s been lying in my subconscious for quite some time, but I truly believe that when players put on a Dolphin’s jersey that it’s the equivalent of when the NBA players had their talents sucked out of them like in Space Jam. If the entire Patriots team put on Dolphin jerseys, they’d be terrible. I don’t have a better explanation for why it doesn’t matter who the players or coaches are, Miami is still the same team every year. They may be extra bad this year.

New England comes to Miami next year and we all know that Miami plays them well and wins often enough against them in Miami. I know we all have visions of the Miami Miracle in our head and will probably watch that no less than 35 times this week. But, I really don’t see how the Pats don’t hang 40 on the Dolphins. The “hooded one” will look to let his former ward know just who runs the AFC East. What might happen is that Bill Belichick might have a brain aneurysm trying to figure out which way he wants to beat the Dolphins by 70. Still, the Pats would win by 25.

If you’re still feeling glum about the state of the franchise, be more like this guy

We’re on to New England.

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