Fat Athlete of the Week

So first, a little context, on April 7 1986 the greatest athlete of our times made his debut with the San Diego Padres. For you new jacks, his name was John Kruk and he was fucking awesome because-

1.) He looked like a giant baby…

Photo of John Kruk from The Sandlot 3 (2007)

… Who ate tobacco. Not chewed. But ate. By the handful.

2.) As a fat baby he can say whatever he wants. About his home state:
 About opponents-
 3.) Even in retirement he strikes fear in the hearts of his peers. From co-analyst Buck Showalter:

“Have you seen the rigors of ESPN at 3 o’clock in the morning when a guy blows a save on the west coast and you have to stick around for another two hours? And then try to go through the Taco Bell with John Kruk? That ain’t fun. I mean, basically, we don’t have any taco salad back there with John Kruk. None. I’M TELLING YOU, NONE.”

For all us Chubb Rocks in NY and beyond he was a beacon! He was our champion! A West Virginia native who played his college ball at Allegheny Community College and hit .300 lifetime while never looking more athletic than a weekend rec softball player.

Kruk just kicked your ass.

So this week in his honor we introduce a new series.


Better recognize. Now bow down to the Kruk:

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